Keepin' It Weird

Today, once again, I find myself writing about the grocery store. Any faithful reader of this blog (I'm certain there is one) is aware that I often write about the grocery store. I once wrote about the devil hiding out in the meat section. How could you forget the unholy woman who made me move all my groceries to a different check-out line. Anyone remember the geriatric crowd on the day of the big earthquake?? No?? How about the dude peeing in the parking lot. Ah hah! Thought you would recall that little gem. Yes, I admit that I probably write more about the grocery store than any other one topic.

How do I explain this?? The grocery store is my main source of entertainment and socialization during the week. Sad? Definitely. Pathetic? Sure. Fantastic source of blog material?? AB. SO. LUTELY. I mean, you ARE still here reading this, right?!?! This is my life folks, be kind.

So, I made the mistake of going to the grocery store on Sunday afternoon. This is what happened.

First, they had run out of carts. Yes, I do mean grocery carts. There were none. Well....almost none....

You see, there was a sketchy looking little fellow (who happened to look just like that guy that plays the serial killer in all those movies. Well, actually, he doesn't always play the serial killer. Technically, in one movie he played an insurance guy. He was also the swindler in Big Fish. He should play the serial killer though. That is his best role.) who was hoarding a bunch of carts near the back of the parking lot and CHARGING people to take them. I can't exactly say how much he was charging as I was not about to go near the guy that looks like the movie serial killer/insurance guy/swindler. Duh.

Instead, I set foot inside and decided to take my chances and wait for someone who was done with their cart. As I casually stood by a display of pineapple and tried to look cool, as one normally does when standing casually by a display of pineapple, I noticed a woman wresting to get a large orchid out of her cart.

I approached her at the same time that the store clerk did. He was very upset that she had the orchid IN the grocery cart and told her that he was going to need to escort her back to the floral department. I really have no idea what that was about, nor did I care as a cart was now free for the taking.

Yeah. Right. As I struggled to move the cart, I realize that it was clearly not going anywhere. The store clerk, who was angrily off to the floral department, turned and informed me that I would have to wait for him to get back to "unlock" my cart.

Unlock my cart?!?! What in the world?!

So, a few moments later the store clerk (who, by the way, clearly takes his job faaaar too seriously) comes back, takes out some sort of electronic ray gun (or possibly a scanner), kneels down, and "shoots" each of the wheels. Magically, like a gift from heaven, the cart is unlocked and I can finally BEGIN my grocery shopping.

The rest of the grocery trip was clearly cursed as I came home with two over-ripe nectarines and a moldy watermelon. Let's not even get started on the decades I wasted standing in line. Who knew that you could begin a grocery shopping trip on Sunday afternoon and not finish until Tuesday morning?!

On a completely different note:

Hubs and I were watching the local news tonight and learned that Eddie Bauer has filed for bankruptcy. The reporter had headed to the nearest store to get the customers perspective on what had gone wrong. I believe one older, gray haired, Californian woman summed it up best when she said, "They certainly have a style of clothing that I could use. I mean, tomorrow I’m going on a field trip to the volcano's."

On that note, keepin' it weird here in the big CA.