Everyone's Favorite Monday Night Waste of Time

Folks, I have now let two entire episodes of everyone's favorite Monday night waste of time go by without discussing the brilliance. Shame on me! It is time to share a few of the observations I have made while indulging in this season of The Bachelorette.

First, I cannot believe I am still watching this season. Not to mention the fact that I threw $10 down the toilet entering a Bachelorette pool. Yes, I am in a pool. It seemed like a good idea early in the season when I had yet to figure out that Jillian has no idea what she is really looking for (because if she did, then obviously everything would work out and she would find true and everlasting love) and the men are a bunch of turds. (Note: I have just inadvertently used the words "toilet" and "turd" in the same paragraph, completely unrelated to one another. That, folks, takes some talent.)

Again, I must address the manner in which the "I-have-just-had-my-heart-broken-and-don't know-if-I'll-ever-be-the-same-again-after-knowing-this-gal-for-three-weeks" dudes are being sent off the show. Who can forget the episode where poor ole' Sasha was sent home on a city bus? Not to mention when Jillian gave dear, sweet, Mike a half-hearted high five and sent him down the mountain in a Gondola. What happened to the limo ride of loneliness?? Must we strip away every shred of dignity these guys have left?? YES, apparently we must, as the previews for next Monday's episode appear to show a new reject being tossed (figuratively) from a train and left to fend for himself in the Canadian wilderness. No joke.

If this is the case (please, please, please let this be the case), I do believe that they should turn it into a spin-off show. I can only imagine the ratings for a show in which Tanner P roams the forest lamenting the loss of Jillian's feet; Wes gathers all the woodland creatures around him and repeatedly sings the only line of his song until they mutiny; Michael break-dances his way back to civilization. Come on people, you know you would watch too!

Next up on my Bachelorette agenda is the topic of Ed leaving the show. The show played the entire thing off as a "Why didn't you think this through before coming on the show" situation. Excuse me?!?! I do believe that Ed is the ONLY ONE ACTUALLY THINKING AT ALL!! Personally, I don't blame the guy one bit for not wanting to lose his job! Granted, he was the only decent guy on the show and Jillian's only shot at someone normal, however, because he did seem like a decent guy, I couldn't have been happier that he left. I do believe that a relationship with Jillian is a bullet train to heartache and don't believe that dear, sweet Ed deserves that.

Then there is Kiptyn. I can pretty much sum up my feelings about Kiptyn by highlighting the following verbal exchange:

Jillian: What do you want in your salad?
Kiptyn: Your eyes are so pretty.

Enough said.

Here is my prediction. I am going to go on record right now and state that I don't believe Jillian is going to pick anyone when everything is said and done. It will be the most dramatic finale in Bachelorette history. There will be tears. There will be disbelieve. I will likely indulge in some ice cream. It will be lovely.

Alternatively, she could pick Kiptyn, change her name to Jillyn, give birth to children named Megyn, Logyn, and Nathyn, buy a charming little house in Princetyn, and live happily ever after.

THAT, my friends, would be meaningful.