Because, really, aren't we all just looking for a mythical unicorn??

Yes, folks, that's right.  It's Monday night and time for another thrilling and ever-so-insightful episode of The Bachelorette.  

Tonight's episode finds Jillian left with 16 eligible bachelors.  I use the term 'eligible' quite loosely.  Let's face it folks, there are about three dudes in that whole group who aren't total whack jobs.  Jillian, girl, if I were you I would head for the hills.  

First date of the show goes to "big, strong, bulky, hunky Ed".  Their date progressed as most dates do; a helicopter ride, being lowered down the side of a skyscraper, and then dinner on a roof somewhere.  Question: Do they ever eat inside??  I swear they are eating on a roof in every single episode.  Over dinner Jillian and Ed shared tantalizing conversation such as, "I like your eyes."  "Really?  I like your eyes."  They clearly have a deep and meaningful connection.  Swoon Jillian, swoon.  The highlight of the date, however, was when Jillian declared, "I love that I popped your helicopter cherry."  Classy, extremely classy.  

Date two featured most of the bachelors and Jillian on a fake movie set, with fake scripts, making a fake movie.  Don't fear though, the emotions are very real.  Brad pretty much stamped his ticket outta the bunkhouse with an awkward siblingesque kiss and comment about how he is ultra bad a$$.  Sorry dude.  Then Jillian proceeds to share a kiss with just about every other guy there but assures us that it was just 'acting'.  Again, the emotions are very real.  Tanner P. on the other hand, is far more interested in kissing Jillian feet than her mouth.  "Her feet look so good I wanna put them in my mouth."  The next few moments were filled with millions of uncomfortable Americans watching Tanner P. rub Jillian's feet all over his head.  Are you kidding me?!  If some guy tried to rub my feet all over his head I would likely kick him square in the jaw.  Creepy.  

Now, let's talk for a brief moment about poor, poor Sasha.  Boy did this guy have a rough night.  Sasha was the recipient of solo date #2; a photo shoot, driving a Ferrari, and dinner on the roof.  Duh.  I knew Sasha was in trouble when he explained that some guys are sheep, some are wolves, and he is simply searching for a mythical unicorn.  Yup.  A mythical unicorn.  Oh dear, poor, misguided Sasha, what on earth are you talking about?!?!  Apparently, Jillian had no idea either and explained that, "I wish I could be that unicorn."  No, Jillian, no you do not.  Clearly, Sasha did not get the rose.  The only thing more humiliating then going on a one-on-one date and not getting a rose?  Being sent home on a public bus!  Yes, that's right folks, poor Sasha was the lone passenger on a city bus to Lonely Street.  What's next?  Are they going to make the next guy leave on a bike?  A skateboard?  A pogo stick?  Actually, that is a fantastic idea!  I am totally hoping for a pogo stick.  

After Sasha's departure, Jillian then assured the audience that she is serious about finding love.  "I'm not just here to date and see if I wanna have a fling for a couple of years."  Enough said.  

Then, out of nowhere,Wes begins to sing!!  What?!  Wait?!  Wes can sing??  Dude, sing another song!  Write something else.  We are tired of hearing that same old dumb song.  Not to mention that the only line of lyrics you have ("When they say, they say that love, it don't come easy") isn't even grammatically correct!  So there.  If there is one thing that gets a gal goin', it is grammaticality.  Duh.  

The episode winds up with Dave being a jerk and Juan looking like a little freak.  As per usual.  

Speaking of a little freak...Tanner P. continues cementing his reputation as the creepiest creep to ever creep with comments like, "I'm here to suck on some toes and meet Jillian" and "I totally wanna make a connection with her feet."  I don't know that there is anything I can say here that could possibly outdo what he has already done.  So we will just leave it alone.  

Stay tuned next Monday for another exciting episode of The Bachelorette where it appears that Jillian is going to try and convince us all that she is not the kind of gal to "kiss around".  Oh Jillian, you silly, silly, silly girl.  Why on earth would any of us think that you kiss around?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?