Oh You Just Knew This Was Coming....

Two blog posts in one day! What could be the reason?!

The reason, my friends, is that for the first time in the month that we have been here, this very morning California began to feel like home. Why this morning, you ask? Because this morning I managed to find myself in an absolutely ridiculous, unbelievable, embarassing, and oh-so-typical-of-my-life situation. A situation that could only happen to me. And truly, California was just not going to feel like home until I fanagled a predicament.

So, we have a patio. It is a lovely patio. There are three lovely entrances to this lovely patio. There is a door in the office, a door in the bedroom, and a sliding door in the living room that all lead out to this lovely patio.

The office and bedroom doors, if not unlocked, will lock automatically should the door shut. I think we can all see where this is going. Yes folks, I locked myself out on the patio.

I had literally just gotten out of bed, walked into the office, and was checking my email. Bix was pawing around at the door and I thought, "Oh, it is nice out. I will let him go out there." The issue was that Bix didn't want to come back in. I, being the good puppy mother that I am, patiently went out on the patio to get him. The office door slammed shut behind me and there I was. Locked out on the patio.

I will now share with you the following thoughts, realizations, and epiphanies that I had in the following order during my time on the patio.

1.Shoot.

2. I'm locked out.

3. I am wearing my pajamas.

4. I have bed-head.

5. I have no bra on.

6. Hm....I don't have my cell phone.

7. How the heck am I going to get back in????

8. Sean doesn't come home for several, SEVERAL hours.

9. I guess I could wait for Sean to come home.

10. No, that won't work, I have to pee.

11. Maybe I could flag someone down and yell to them. Something like, "Excuse me kind Sir, but I seem to have locked myself out on the patio. Would you be so kind as to call my husband for me?"

12. Yeah, that is a good idea. I will do that.

13. Hm, nobody seems to be out and about on this oh-so-lovely morning.

14. Oh shoot.

15. I dead bolted the front door after getting up.

16. Sean won't even be able to get in the apartment to unlock and door and let me back in.

17. Can I climb down somehow???

18. Nope.

19. What if I jump? Any possibility of that working??

20. Nope.

21. Oh great, the dog is freaking out.

22. Man, I really have to pee.

23. Darn it! I wish I had a bra on! If I did, I could pull the underwire out and use it to pick one of the locks (What? You didn't know about my crazy MacGyver-like lock picking skills??).

Note: The complete irony of the situation is that from where I stood on the patio, I could actually see two of my bras laying around. I did not put these bras around later for comedic effect. You can ask my hubby. They have been there for days. I am just that slovenly.

24. Is there any other scrap metal out here that I could use to pick a lock?

25. Nope.

26. Crap. They are going to have to call the fire department and raise a ladder up to get me down. That is so uncool. I will surely never make friends after that one.

27. Wait....friends! My (almost) friend Amanda lives somewhere in this apartment community (I say "almost" because Amanda and I haven't actually met in person. You see, I emailed a couple ladies who supposedly live around here and asked them to be my friend. It's a very cool thing to do, really. Much cooler than having to be rescued by a firetruck. Amanda responded to my email and we have been internet-friending ever since).

28. Maybe, I could yell out to Amanda. Something like, "Amanda, are you out there?? It is your internet buddy Breanna. I know I have already made such a cool impression, but I have managed to lock myself out on the patio..."

29. My friend Erika is going to love this story.

30. Once upon a time, two days before my wedding, my mom locked herself inside a car wash. Now I know how she felt. She, however, had her cell phone. And her bra. I could do a lot with those two items.

31. Whatever happens, better happen quick because I really have to pee.

32. If worst comes to worst, I could squat down in the corner and nobody would be able to see me pee. Maybe, just maybe, I could blame the puddle on my puppy?

33. Thank God I don't have to drop a deuce, because there is absolutely no way on earth I could blame that on my tiny little five pound puppy.

34. Could I break a window?

35. No, that would be expensive. And I would probably bleed.

36. There is only one thing to do. Gather up all the super-human strength that I have and bust up the door knob. If I pull and push that thing in every unholy direction it was never ment to go, possibly throw in a couple of karate chops, maybe even a drop kick, I just might be able to break my way back in.

Yes, folks, that is just what I did. I busted the crap outta that door knob. Currently, it is a mangled piece of metal. The dead bolt has twisted vertically and sunken into the door, the handle is frozen in place, and the door is being held shut by a stack of boxes.

I, my friends, am a rock star.